The Scriptures Of Bert the Almighty
Chapter 1
Unknown source 3:11
In the beginning there was nothing, then it exploded and Bert said 'in our dreams we are free,the rest of the time we need ore' and he cast out upon the moons of Joppaya his structures and took aim at them. When the moons exploded his sons and daughter filled their holds with his holy loads and were thankful.
Seeing this many heathens arrived to take the bounty without giving praise to the mighty Bert but were struck with his wrath of 100 hulks and found the belts empty.
Rev.Ayssmo 1:13
And low, Bert stamped his mighty staff into the ground and the FOB were gone. The people stared in amazement
Brother Phazed 1:23
And on the 8th day Bert did command, the FOB shall’eth be decimated! He stood atop his mighty ibis looking out at the vista being created at his command and thought it... Good!
Father Mongole0 2:17
And the miners did decree this duty shall be their bane until the end'eth of the eve universe
Brother Phazed 2:20
The lights did shine, the belts were torn asunder! Local exploded like a second Big Bang! The mighty Bert did look upon his fleet with awe and reverence! He did command’eth that Becky be the chosen one to receive his majestic load and convey it to his resting place
So say the revered chronicles of the gospel of Bert
Brother Phazed 2:26
And on the ninth day the mighty Bert did decree! There shall be a fight to the... podding the wrench named here within Becky shall fight Adora! And battle did commence! The fighting lasted until the end of time, down time. The mud flew and once the universe had revived a reboot Bert did declare a victor! ...
Unknown source 2:59
Amen Brother Phazed the holy light bringer,bringer of combat advice,restorer of prosthetic's,wearer of the bear skin.
unknown source 3:01
'Don't worry Rev.Ayssmo' replied OH gracious Bert 'YOU ARE all my children,go forth and fill your ore holds with the bounty of moon belts, i will forgive Beckys heretic thoughts and cast them out like the STD's they are'
For it is said when Adora is not available Becky be used like the ore rag she is
Father Mongole0 3:06
And the mighty Bert looked down upon the corp he created and all his followers within and it was good
Brother Phazed 3:22
And when the heathens did lay siege to the belts of Goitre, basement and dance floor the mighty Bert did decree, behold scavengers and lost souls! He did wave his hand and low... the belts became barren at his command! For all who came to see them! For seven whole days! Not a rock, pebble or boulder was to be seen!
First beatification of Bert 23:04
Father Mongole 16:16
And Saint Minnie of the Fighters did declareth that all complaints must be submitted in quin-triplicate and fluent ancient Danish on stone tablets or will otherwise be unheeded by those that be.
