The Book of Ore

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The Book of Ore

Presented alongside The Scriptures of Bert

Blessing of the Reader

May your strip miners cycle long and true.
May your cargo hold brim with yield.
May your drones return unscathed.
And may the belts forever glitter beneath your gaze.

Go forth, child of Bert, and mine in His light.

Chapter 1: The Genesis of Ore

1:1 In the void before time, there was naught but silence. Then did Minerbert proclaim, "In our dreams we are free; the rest of the time, we need ore."

1:2 And lo, he cast his structures upon the moons of Joppaya, and they did yield bountifully.

1:3 His sons and daughters filled their holds with his holy loads and gave thanks.

1:4 The belts of Eden lit with golden glimmers, and the faithful rejoiced, crying out, "Praise be to the one who drills in darkness and reaps in light."

1:5 Thus was the first mining fleet born, its drones humming the hymns of productivity.

Chapter 2: The Trials of the Faithful

2:1 Yet, many heathens arrived, seeking the bounty without offering praise to Minerbert.

2:2 Wrathful, he summoned a fleet of a hundred hulks, and the belts were emptied before the unworthy.

2:3 Minerbert stamped his mighty staff, and the FOBs vanished, leaving the people in awe.

2:4 And a tempest came upon the belt of Basement, whereupon the miners did tremble.

2:5 "Have faith," Minerbert declared, "for the darkness brings with it the glitter of harvest."

Chapter 3: Decrees and Revelations

3:1 On the eighth day, Minerbert commanded, "The FOB shall be decimated!" Standing atop his mighty ibis, he surveyed the vista and deemed it good.

3:2 The miners declared, "This duty shall be our bane until the end of the EVE universe."

3:3 The lights shone, belts were torn asunder, and local chat exploded like a second Big Bang.

3:4 Minerbert looked upon his fleet with reverence and chose Becky to receive his majestic load and convey it to its resting place.

3:5 And the gate to Jita opened, brighter than any cyno.

Chapter 4: The Eternal Struggle

4:1 On the ninth day, Minerbert decreed a battle between Becky and Adora. The fight raged until downtime, and upon the universe's reboot, a victor was declared.

4:2 "Don't worry, Rev. Ayssmo," Minerbert said, "You are all my children. Go forth and fill your ore holds with the bounty of moon belts."

4:3 He forgave Becky's heretic thoughts, casting them out like the STDs they were.

4:4 And from his cargo bay, he withdrew a single tritanium block and gave it to her as a symbol of mercy.

4:5 Thus were the doctrines of the great haulers written, etched into the hulls of Orcas and freighters alike.

Chapter 5: Wisdom and Warnings

5:1 Minerbert looked down upon the corp he created and all his followers within, and it was good.

5:2 When heathens laid siege to the belts of Goitre, Basement, and Dance Floor, Minerbert waved his hand, and the belts became barren for seven days.

5:3 Reverend Fanny proclaimed:

*In EVE, mining's slow but grand,*\

*You dig through rocks across the sand.*\

*Then pirates come with guns so bright,*\

*Stealing your ore, what a delight!*



*The ore you mine, so rich, so vast,*\

*But ships explode, the fun won’t last.*\

*Mining’s a grind, but here’s the key,*\

*You’ll get rich—or just die trying, you'll see!*

5:4 Nellz, unmindful of Minerbert's wisdom, ventured forth in his Hulk. Edencom struck him down twice for neglecting his standings.

5:5 Minerbert sighed, "The void spares no fool. Honour your factions, or face their fury!" And the Orcas rumbled with laughter as they mined undisturbed.

5:6 Saint Minnie of the Fighters declared that all complaints must be submitted in quin-triplicate and fluent ancient Danish on stone tablets, or they would be unheeded.

5:7 Alone, Brother Al whispered to Minerbert, "You said if I blow it, they would come. Where are they, oh mighty one?"

5:8 From the darkness of the void, Minerbert's voice echoed:

*Say their name, say their name*\

*If no one is around you*\

*Say that you love mining*\

*If you're in an asteroid belt.*

Chapter 6: The Pilgrimage to Null

6:1 And it came to pass that Minerbert called upon his chosen to voyage beyond the gates of high sec, into the lawless lands of Null.

6:2 "Take with you the gospel, the probes, and the gas scoops, for salvation lies amidst risk," he proclaimed.

6:3 The fleet assembled in unity, freighters and frigates alike, escorted by the guardians of Procuria.

6:4 The journey was long, and many were ganked at Uedama, but faith did not falter.

6:5 For Minerbert had promised: "Every loss mail is a testament to your conviction."

Chapter 7: The Book of Salvations

7:1 Sister Zoey, salvager of sanctity, wandered into wreckfields and returned with prophecies written in melted nanoribbons.

7:2 "Even in death, there is yield," she declared, clutching the relics of broken Catalysts.

7:3 And Minerbert smiled upon her devotion, granting her the title of Saint of Salvage.

7:4 From then on, no wreck was left untouched, for to do so was to reject his bounty.

7:5 And the cargo bays overflowed, not just with ore, but with hope.

Chapter 8: The Ending of the War and the Equal Weighing of the Moons

8:1 And lo, the skies of Joppaya and Himaru darkened with strife, and the faithful were sore afraid. The moons, once rich with bounty, lay barren beneath the shadow of war.

8:2 But in this time of despair, the Almighty Bert did rise and say unto the people: “Fear not, for I shall go forth and end this turmoil, that your holds may again be filled with riches.”

8:3 And with words sharp as Void rounds and will unbending as tritanium, Bert did parley with the enemy.

8:4 By divine wit and the support of the faithful Arton — whose steadfast aid is writ in the annals of history — peace was wrought.

8:5 The enemy did lay down arms and the war was ended.

8:6 And behold — in a sign of celestial approval — the moons of Joppaya and Himaru were numbered the same. A divine balance so that the Word of Bert might spread equally in both realms.

8:7 Thus the faithful rejoiced, and the mining lasers sang once more across the heavens.

8:8 Praise be to Bert, whose wisdom brings both peace and profit.

8:9 And honour to Arton, First of the Faithful, whose loyalty did aid the Almighty in this great work.

Chapter 9: The Revelation of the Drone Lands

9:1 In a dream of pyroxeres and radiant lasers, Minerbert beheld the Drone Regions, untouched and teeming.

9:2 He summoned the faithful: "Go forth, spread the strip miners, claim the virgin void."

9:3 And a new wave of disciples set out, guided by the holy ping.

9:4 There they founded the First Temple of Yield, a refinery blessed with 4% bonus efficiency.

9:5 And they spake in unison: "Let this cycle be maxed, and this hold be full."

Chapter 10: The Commandments of the Hold

10:1 In the quiet cycles of peace, Minerbert withdrew from the belts, to slumber amidst the stars, yet his word remained.

10:2 And he left unto the faithful these Commandments of the Hold, to guide their conduct:

10:3 Thou shalt clear belts with harmony and order; and if thou joineth late, ask what remains.

10:4 Thou shalt honour the first drone upon a moon — for he marketh the one who anchored it.

10:5 Thou shalt not mine what is not thine, nor steal another’s pull from the void.

10:6 Thou shalt guard thy Orcas, for they bringeth boosts and safety to the belt.

10:7 Thou shalt cleanse the belts — leave no scrap, lest others be denied their yield.

10:8 Thou shalt respect the ping — for it calleth the faithful to unity.

10:9 Thou shalt mine in peace, speak in courtesy, and warp in hope.

10:10 And so did the faithful abide by his teachings, mining and hauling in harmony, awaiting the day of Minerbert’s return.

Chapter 11: The Prophecy of Return

11:1 In the days to come, when belts run dry and null fleets grow restless,

11:2 When market wars rage and the miners lose heart,

11:3 A great ping shall echo through the void.

11:4 The faithful shall hear it and know — Minerbert awakens.

11:5 He shall return in brilliance, in hulls of steel and beams of light.

11:6 His wisdom shall flow once more, and the belts shall glimmer anew.

11:7 Until that day, hold fast to the teachings and mine in His name.

11:8 For the void watches, and Minerbert dreams.

10:6 So ends the Scripture of Minerbert, Patron Saint of the Ore-Blessed.

Appendix of Saints

 Saint Becky, Bearer of the Majestic Load
Saint Adora, Defender of the Belts
Saint Zoey, Salvager of Sanctity
Saint Minnie, Speaker of the Fighters
Saint Arton, First of the Faithful
Brother Al, The Questioner of the Void
Nellz, Twice-Fallen and Twice-Forgotten
Saint Fanny, The Rhyming Reverend
Saint Jafa, Guardian of Procuria

Praise be to Bert. Forever may his yields be vast.